Logograph of animals in space
Albert II, the rhesus monkey died.
Three mice died. Fourteen mice aboard the rocket Jupiter
also died. The fruit flies survived.
The monkey Gordo died.
The monkey Yorick came back.
The monkeys Able and Baker returned,
but died under surgery.
Two dogs and the rabbit Marfusa returned.
The dogs Tsygan and Dezik survived, but died on a
subsequent flight. Two frogs and twelve mice died: the
rocket was destroyed during the launch.
Laika died during the flight, as was intended:
her return was not planned.
After ten days Laika would have been poisoned with
food so as not to burn alive on returning into the Earth’s
atmosphere.
Chayka and Lisichka died.
Belka and Strelka returned, and were stuffed.
Pchyolka and Mushka burned to death.
Chernushka returned after spending a day with mice, a
guinea pig and
the wooden dummy astronaut Ivan Ivanovich.
The mice Sally, Amy and Moe returned.
The dog Zvyozdochka returned.
Nike recently gave her name to a pair of sneakers.
Ham the Chimp returned.
Enos the Chimp returned.
Soviet mice, guinea pigs and frogs returned.
The French rat Hector returned.
The monkeys Lapik and Multik returned.
After returning from space, Dryoma the monkey
was presented to Fidel Castro.
The Chinese dogs Xiaobao and Shanshan survived.
The French cat Felix escaped.
His replacement Félicette returned.
The dogs Veterok and Ugolyok returned.
Two French monkeys returned.
Some nematodes were found alive in the debris
after the Columbia Space Shuttle disaster.
American fruit flies, parasitic wasps,
flour beetles and tadpoles, along with
bacteria, amoebae, plants and fungi came back.
The Argentinian rat Belisario returned.
The Argentinian monkey Juan returned.
The American monkey Bonny died within a day of landing.
The spiders Arabella and Aranita died from dehydration.
The first fish in space survived.
Some worms returned frozen.
A newt, chicken eggs, brackish shrimp, a Chinese sea pig,
And Japanese quail eggs returned.
The first Iranian animal launched into space returned.
A Russian turtle returned, having lost weight.
A female cockroach came back pregnant.
what is a miracle?
A miracle is an unexpected event caused by a supernatural being.
So to become a saint you have to make a miracle.
But there’s one little condition: you also have to die.
Nowadays, a miracle is an everyday thing: staying alive after a natural disaster or giving birth to a baby.
Now that’s a miracle! - says the farmer from the small town of Karmėlava, woken up by the sound of emigrant planes instead of a rooster, when he wins a microwave in a lottery.
Now that’s a miracle! - says the African boy, adopted by the American housewife who follows Madonna’s example, when he sees her pop some popcorn in the microwave for the very first time.
Now that’s a miracle! - says a black rapper who didn’t become famous even on his own block as his own spliff lights and, believe me, he pops his popcorn every single evening in the microwave.
He pops the popcorn.
Pops the pope.
hoping for the top of the pops.
The top cop of the cop porn.
With some melted butter
Belted mother.
The butter lover.
The world is full of miracles. If you can afford a microwave.
The world is full of miracles. If you can afford a microwave.
An Iphone is a miracle. Steve Jobs is a God. Not only because he made a miracle, but also because he managed to die.
Your loss of weight is a miracle.
Sightseeing - miraculous!
The 7 wonders of the world.
and millions and millions of patented wonders.
To walk on water - it’s a miracle!
Parting the waters of the sea - it’s a miracle!
To break water - now that’s pregnancy.
Salto is a miracle!
Combo is a miracle!
Bingo is a miracle!
Salto, combo, bingo - all miracles!
Massage may be a miracle
(some times with a happy ending)
Morning glory - the morning miracle - espresso with coca cola.
A discount - it’s a miracle!
A last minute miracle.
A damaged, leaky and expired miracle.
Music - it’s a miracle!
The DJ - a miracle!
Drugs – now that’s criminal.
Aleksey Archipovsky and his magic balalaika - no, for me, that’s no miracle.
Cosmetics - a miracle - says the ad in the mall.
Your legs are a miracle – advertised on the cover of a cheap erotic detective novel found on the bottom shelf of a kiosk
Love is chemistry.
Luck is a reflex.
Life is life.
Everyday of my life - is a miracle, says the mormon in his magic underpants.
Sexuality is a miracle in need of salvation - explains a priest.
It’s a miracle that nothing has happened to you.
It’s a miracle that nothing has happened to you.
Science fiction is not a miracle
UFO - an unquestionably fictional object
But yoga is a miracle, says someone eating some humus.
Wheel of Fortune! a wheel of miracles!
Money does miracles.
And doctors do miracles.
Your smile does miracles.
Photoshop does miracles.
Harry potter and Alladin make miracles.
The costume of Santa makes miracles.
Words make miracles.
Search engine optimisation makes miracles.
Time does miracles.
If not - modern odontology, calisthenics and reversed washing of hair does miracles.
The kitten that has lost his front legs does miracles.
Strong will and commitment makes miracles.
Beer makes miracles - says someone and goes to piss for the third time in half an hour.
This man makes miracles. Eliminate him!
I do believe in the small miracles of humans. But I don’t believe in miracles made by gods in human shape.If they really had human bodies - they should also have our limitations. But no, just like hollywood characters, they don’t work, never pay for a taxi ride, and don’t even eat or sleep.
If a miracle is done by god, then this god must at least be some kind of gnome with an undeveloped spine, some mucus in his armpits and conjoined toes.
BREATHING POEM
Deeply inhale deep into your lungs some confidence and push your diaphragm down to see your stomach bloat.
Slowly exhale and feel anxiety and tension crawl away together with the air. Exhale the warmth and gather it inside your sleeve.
Deeply inhale deep into your lungs some calmness of the pines and light through spikes - the walls won’t fence you off from the universe and forests.
Slowly exhale - your shoulders are relaxed, but do not lose the shape. In case you need identity - be the triangle.
Deeply inhale - and pay attention to how the air is flowing into your lungs, from now on the feeling of security and lightness will accompany you.
Slowly exhale the stagnant, the remaining air from your lungs, until you feel your rectum rise.
Deeply inhale the steam of a hot potato and the odor of the bar of swans and also the vapor of sambuca.
Slowly exhale, exhale the fire only and light up the sambuca for your drinking companions bent over their glasses.
Deeply inhale a white line through your nostril and through the second nostril smoke a cigarette.
Slowly exhale the tar from your lungs - you really are safe and your mind is transparent and your thoughts are clear and muscles relaxed.
Deeply inhale election promises, the sweat from the temples of voters and the cold sweat from the backs of candidates.
Slowly exhale the eastern european smog, which we will increase so we can catch up to the western countries.
Deeply inhale not only flies, but also bees. You'll say - I'm not a fattie, it's just those bees - they stung my stomach from the inside.
Slowly exhale, so that the mirror would cover up with dew and you would see the figure you've always been dreaming about.
Deeply inhale the lithuanian perfume that you can’t smell yourself but you’ve seen how americans do it on youtube.
Slowly exhale and hold your breath. Hold it like a handbag in a marketplace. Like a handbag full of fragrance.
Deeply inhale and open up for love. And when the stream of love going into you comes to a stop - then take the next step.
Slowly exhale and hold your breath. Hold it while I talk, or otherwise you’ll dispel the magic.
Deeply inhale a different orientation, inhale and do mouth to mouth with a patient.
Slowly exhale straight into his chest and hold your breath. And stay like that together with the patient - holding your breaths together.
Deeply inhale and wait until help comes. Don't expect it. Just wait. Inhale and keep waiting for Godot.
Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Deeply inhale and hold your breath. Keep holding it and do not squirm. Inspire at least one person around you.
Slowly exhale all the words unspoken. If they remain inside - they will just grind the walls of your soul or concentrate into a tumour.
Deeply inhale and hold your breath. Keep holding it and don’t squirm. Infuse life into your vision.
Slowly exhale and lift the bar of weights. Exhale in ones and twos. While you exhale -blow glass.
Deeply inhale and hold your breath. Keep holding it and don’t squirm. Imagine your anger diffusing away.
Slowly exhale, but don't let out your final breath. Inhale the ashes of your father - exhale a baby.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
to burn a tree using a match stick
is the same as to kill a chicken with a boiled egg
is the same as gerontophagy -
young spiders eat their mother at the end of the brood care period,
they devour their mother with relish;
it seems that this serves as the mother's final act of parental care
is the same as killing your own father in city of Kaunas, Šilainiai district, Baltic street
is the same as the mad cow desease - the illness of cattle who were industrially fed bone meal - flour made of other cattles grinded bones.
is the same as uroboros - a serpent eating its own tail.
is the same as to hang yourself with your own tail.
is the same as ritualistic suicide avoiding disgrace.
Seppuku - is more a poetic term that comes from chinese and it means to retire with honor.
Harakiri - is a more vulgar expression, more like to check out or kick off, to kick the bucket.
before seppuku samurai used to write a poem, that was a part of the ritual.
So
Before killing a chicken with a boiled egg - write a poem.
Before eating your mothers flesh - write a poem
Before killing your father - write a poem
Before eating flour made out of your own bones - write a poem
Before eating your own tail - write a poem
Before hanging yourself with your own tail - please write a poem
…
And all of that - is the same as to burn a tree using a match stick
So, citizen, make a personal effort - prevent forest fires!
Or before setting the forest on fire - write a poem.
fat free fat
milk is fat free
bacon is fat free
fat is fat free
all the fat hides
in a blended spread of fat
all the fat hides
in a blended spread of fat
listen, you blended spread,
give us back our fat
give us back our fat, you blended spread
London, give us our fucking fat back!
not the bones not the skin not the ashes
give us back our fat.
tea without sugar
lemonade without sugar
sweets without sugar
and sweetener without sugar.
all the sugar hides
in a sugar lamb
all the sugar hides
in a sugar lamb
lamby lamby, give us back our sugar.
give back the sugar, mutton!
London, give us our fucking sugar back.
not the bones not the skin not the ashes
give us back our sugar.
sausage without E542.
marmalade without E634.
even chinese food is without E425.
all the E numbers hide in the EU
all the E numbers hide in the EU
EU, give us our E numbers back.
Give us our E numbers back, London.
On the other hand, you can fucking keep the E numbers…
YOU ARE THE MONEYSUCKER
you are the moneysucker
the wallet squeezer
the bill compartment empty-fier
you are the moneysucker
the ATM withdrawer
the reflection of an aristocrat
you are the shark-beast of neon seas
you are a collection of addictions
you are the moneysucker
you are the core of the world
you are the blue globe itself
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you are the money leech
you like standing queues
because you love spending
and spending loves you
you are the money leech
you are the restaurant police
the grave-digger of employees
you are the money leech
touring the clothing stores
you are a goldsmith and a fox
you are the money leech
money strip-offer, wealth-splitter
you are the black hole for glitter
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you are the moneysucker
you are spinning around like a lighthouse
you need to be where the hive is
you are the moneysucker
the e-shop merchant
the decay of the wallet
you are the moneysucker
the cognac-swiller, the limousine-rider
the shoe-polisher - I mean the bootlicker
you are the moneysucker
the target for photogenic girls
who’s your employer?
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you gotta get money gotta get money gotta get money money you got!
you are the money leech
you don’t care about the meaning
but you do care about the value
you are the money leech
the gem sniffer
your flair doesn’t deceive me
you are the money leech
anything that gets inside you - disappears
let in the croupier!
you are the money leech
you live like a pearl
that means you live in a shell
Translations by author
Edited by Rimas Užgiris
